regarding our previous communication: fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU You fucked me (touch me take me break me) and I saw your eyes that you were before I lost it all, drugs on my lips took my mind away and you you you gave them to me. you thought I wanted this. you might still do. come and dance with me and the world is gone, alone with you bodies twist together hold me hold me in your, your, your it was only you. I wasn't there. there but not there. here but not here. is but not is. how much is this. how much is what is else. else but not else. the world is harsh and bright and hurts my eyes where the fuck am i who the fuck am i? I'm butchering a love poem to write this but it was about this anyway. I'm butchering a love poem about dissociatives to cope. I've been taking dissociatives to cope. for 8 fucking years. I am vacant smoking a cigarette I've forgotten how to feel how am i supposed to feel i don't know it feels strange like every other broken have i forgotten how to feel? I drift away from me I can't find me I am trapped in a memory I can't get out I can't get out I can't get out I can't get out I hurt myself... I kill myself... i breathe sickly sweet sedation through my body breaking apart the pain is real and now and burns like it's still happening the truth it is it's still happening. in the silent moments while my cigarette burns away staring at nothing it the silent moments when I look away from you staring at nothing something not nothing something not nothing I see it happening the terrifying truth and can't keep this up falling apart help me help me falling down fuck where are you? I've lost you, and, I thought I knew no I thought I I think I knew this all the time.