slam and concrete poetry by Scout Quinn

View the Project on GitHub scoutquinn/poetry

a followup letter to my rapist in the first person

regarding our previous communication:

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

fuck you

fuck you


You fucked me
        (touch me take me break me) 
and I saw your eyes that you were before I lost it all,
    drugs on my lips took my mind away and you


you gave them to me. you thought I wanted this. you might still do.

come and dance with me and the world is gone, 

alone with you bodies twist together hold me 
    hold me in your, your, your

    it was only you. I wasn't there.
    there but not there. here but not here.

    is but not is.

    how much is this. how much is what is else.

else but not else.

            the world is harsh and bright and hurts my eyes 
                    where the fuck am i 
                    who the fuck am i? 
    I'm butchering a love poem to write this but it was about this anyway.
    I'm butchering a love poem about dissociatives to cope.

    I've been taking dissociatives to cope.
    for 8 fucking years.

            I am vacant smoking a cigarette I've forgotten how to feel 
            how am i supposed to feel i don't know 

it feels strange like every other broken have i forgotten how to feel? 

I drift away from me

    I can't find me

I am trapped in a memory 
I can't get out I can't get out I can't get out I can't get out 

        I hurt myself...
            I kill myself...
                i breathe sickly sweet sedation through my body breaking apart 

    the pain is real and now and burns like it's still happening the truth it is

it's still happening.

in the silent moments while my cigarette burns away
staring at nothing

it the silent moments when I look away from you
staring at nothing something not nothing something not nothing

I see it happening

the terrifying truth

    and can't keep this up 

    falling apart help me

    help me

    falling down fuck 

    where are you? 

    I've lost you, and,

I thought I knew


I thought I

          I think I knew this
          all the time.